I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize