There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
