we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
