if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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