I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
