If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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