Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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