I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
