"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
