Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
