just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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