Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
