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I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
