If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My liver just had a heart attack.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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