Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
