I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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