Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize