wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
