have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Can I color on your dick again?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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