Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Randomize
