Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
