apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
