theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
