Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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