You really coming over, don't trick.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
