i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
