All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize