If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
