ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
