It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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