I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
