u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
