I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
