Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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