so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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