weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
