honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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