I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
