4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
