Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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