Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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