$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
