If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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