We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
