Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Let's get the cat blown out
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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