I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
worst night to have a conscience
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
