i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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