So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
