so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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