I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
