OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
We talked him into tasing himself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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