Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize