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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you will always have a special place in my vag
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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