my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
