i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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