I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
