I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
