The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize