my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
