So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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