i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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