I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
