I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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