ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Randomize
