I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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