Ambien. No doubt about it.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
