Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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