The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
