I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
