I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
