I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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