Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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