Too much gin, very little bucket
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
