I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize
