well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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