You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
