i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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