I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i love accidental penises.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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