I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
