i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
