i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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