You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
